If We're Fortunate

If we’re fortunate, our lives are full of experiences that push us and challenge us.

We’ll get into relationships with people that beg us to be more vulnerable. Or we’ll fall in with people who betray our boundaries and urge us to be stronger. We’ll find ourselves stuck in unpleasant places, miserable, and we’ll discover that the only way through is to be present.

We’ll see that our bank balance is bottoming out, there’s no sign that the financial tides are changing, and so we’ll have to be innovative, hopeful, and trusting all at the same time.

If we’re fortunate, we’ll feel woefully inadequate. We’ll whisper to ourselves: I can’t do this.

Looking at the challenge before us, we’ll feel the visceral weight of despair. We’ll hit our limits.

And then we’ll dig deep. We’ll get our shit together.

And if we’re fortunate, we’ll hear the voices of our friends, family, and the universe, constantly contradicting our inner monologues.

My intention is not to romanticize the fall, but to normalize our shared experience of coming up against the most difficult things in this life – break ups, break downs, death, tragedy, trauma, crisis, birth, transformation.

When you feel like you’re not enough, like you’ve got nothing left to give, you have two options.

  1. Prove yourself wrong.
  2. Allow others to prove you wrong.

Since the birth of my son (15 days ago, though it feels like months have passed), six days out of seven I feel inadequate. If I’m succeeding in one arena, then I’m failing in another. If I’m rockin’ the mom thing, then I look at my business with despair and wonder how I’ll ever get back to the productivity I had before he was born. If I’m, by some miracle, making moves with my business, I look at it skeptically. It’s only a matter of minutes before he needs me again. I feel guilty when he naps beside me and I punch out a blog article. On really bad days, I’m terrible at both endeavors. I feel trapped beneath his need for food and comfort (and knowing that this won’t last doesn’t make it any easier, if anything, I feel even more guilty), and I feel hopeless in my attempts to be or do enough as an entrepreneur.

The inner monologue insists that I’m falling short – but I’ve begun to allow others to prove me wrong. I gratefully receive the encouragement and reassurance.

And soon I’ll start taking the steps and doing the work to put these feelings of inadequacy to bed.

Healing starts with honesty.

Soul growth means starting at ground level.

Spiritual alignment may require that we first get comfortable with our discomfort.

And then we do the work.

If you want a safe space and community for healing, growth, and re-alignment, join me in the Soul Growth Society. On June 1st we get our hands dirty. Together.